I will be going deeper into Ephesians 2:10 this week. It really spoke to me as I read it this morning after struggling all Monday night with something that happened. Over the weekend, God led me to a mission trip that I feel he really wants me to be on.
I went on a mission trip to Belize in 2008 and have since longed to do more but I let life get in the way. Raising my son, falling in love with an amazing man, work, family, sports, stress, vacations, etc….all seemed to be going on and I kept telling myself I did not have the time. Every few months I would check the missions’ page on my church website, longingly looking at the upcoming calendar of trips and kept telling myself I will get to it next year. Each time I would look at the calendar I would pick which trip I’d take if I only had the time. A few months ago, 5 years since my first trip, I did the same thing again. The trip I picked out that time was a summer camp for children in the Bronx. And once again, after looking at the date and remembering everything that was going on in my life; my son’s baseball schedule, my brother in law’s upcoming wedding, me going back to school, etc. I decided to put it off “til next year” again.
This past Sunday, I decided to sleep late and go to our Sunday evening church service instead of Sunday morning. At the time that I made this decision, I wasn’t sure why I was doing it. I went to bed at a decent hour the night before, my son didn’t have a baseball game that morning and I had no desire to sleep in, and the sermon series that was going on at the Saturday evening/Sunday morning services was one that I didn’t want to miss but still, for no reason at all, I decided to wait until Sunday evening to go to church. Fast forward a few hours after some shopping, lunch, a movie and a youth trip meeting with my son, the last thing I felt like doing was going to church so I decided to head home instead. A few minutes after making that decision, I had a strong gut feeling that I needed to go on to church. I’ve had these feelings before when I was thinking about skipping church and when I go ahead and go, there is almost always a sermon that I did not need to miss. I followed my feeling and entered church with my head held high knowing I was about to hear a great sermon.
I didn’t bother to look at the church bulletin to see who was preaching that night since it is always the same preacher on Sunday nights and enjoyed worship so much, knowing I was about to receive words from God that I was meant not to miss and then the preacher took the stage and I felt defeated……it was NOT our normal Sunday night preacher but an assistant that fills in for him occasionally. The assistant is a great guy but I do not care for his preaching style at all. I have heard him preach two other times and did not feel I received anything from those sermons because I was so distracted by his style. To be completely honest, and to sound like a horrible person, all I could think of when he took the stage was that I had wasted my time coming that night. Don’t judge, I’m just being real about what was going on in my head. I also kept thinking I wish there was a way to know when our regular pastors are not going to be preaching so this wouldn’t happen to me again. Then I reminded myself, you were specifically led here tonight by God and there is a good reason why you are here, so quit complaining and pay attention. I made it through the sermon but did not feel that anything earth shattering had happened so I just chalked up my “intuition” about needing to be at church that night as faulty. Then it all happened! We were told about a special guest from NYC that was at church and wanted to talk to us about her ministry in the South Bronx. One of their programs is a summer camp for kids and they needed our help. Boy did my ears perk up! Was this the trip I had already looked at online, hoping to go to? I stayed after church to talk to Sara who founded A House on Beekman Street ministry (http://www.tgcrenewalprojects.com/southbronx). After hearing her story and the story of the neighborhood she serves, I knew I wanted to be a part of this trip. I immediately felt a joy wash over me and a feeling that God was telling me, “See child, this is why I brought you to church tonight. You had to meet Sara to get moving on this and quit hoping to do something when you finally have the time.”
I went home that night and talked to my husband about the trip and he seemed as excited for me as I was. My son began asking questions about it and said he might want to go to. Everything about the trip was going perfectly and my excitement about what blessings would come to me and the kids on Beekman Street was growing by the second.
I woke up Monday morning barely able to wait to get to the computer to research this Beekman Street and the Mott Haven neighborhood that we would be serving. I could barely wait to get my application filled out. I could barely wait to get the dates marked on my computer. I was so excited, I felt like a kid on Christmas Eve. And I really couldn’t wait to tell my mom. I wanted to call her and go on and on and on about this trip but I was busy and we were having dinner that night so I let it wait until I saw her. Driving to Mom’s house, I could barely contain myself. I wanted to yell my exciting news to everyone I saw. I made it to her house, busted in the kitchen and said, “GUESS WHAT?!?!? I’m finally going on another mission trip!” I began telling her everything I knew about the trip and noticed that instead of sharing my excitement, she seemed disgusted. She even ROLLED. HER. EYES. at me!
I was hurt, I was beyond hurt, and I was angry. Who was this woman and why was she acting like I was telling her I was getting ready to quit my job, sell my house and start following a band across country while they toured? I didn’t follow my gut instinct to immediately address this situation because my son was in the room and I didn’t want him to hear anything negative about this trip, so I kept my mouth shut and began to simmer. And simmer, and simmer and simmer.
I didn’t mention it to my husband when I got home because I was so ashamed of my mom’s reaction and didn’t want him to think less of her like I was doing. I also didn’t sleep well that night because I was so upset. I had hoped I would calm down after having some time to sit on everything and process it, but I wasn’t calm Tuesday morning, I was just as mad. I had been simmering over her reaction for the past 12 hours and was incredibly hurt but kept reminding myself that I didn't need her approval for this trip, I only needed God's approval and to know that he will bless me and the children I will be meeting, even if my mom thinks it is a joke.
Ephesians 2:10 telling me that I was created in Christ Jesus to do good work and that God prepared this in advance was exactly the scripture I needed, at that exact time, to soothe all of those hurt feelings and to know that someone was rejoicing in my plans as much as I was!!
I couldn’t have felt connected to this verse anymore than if God was in my face yelling it at me. I am overjoyed with what has happened and this is quickly becoming one of my favorite verses. There is nothing more comforting that hearing God and KNOWING that he has got your back.
Joy has filled my heart everytime I have looked at or thought about this verse this week. I was so “into” this verse, that I tried out verse mapping for the first time ever and found out I truly love, love, love digging deeper into God’s word. Here is what my verse map looks like so far but I am not through yet, I still have the rest of the week to dig into this.
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